Dad faces judgment for refusing to include son's 9-year-old friend in activities because he isn't fully potty trained: 'That is not my responsibility'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jul 3, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Training a kid to use the toilet properly is an essential part of parenting, and it can be one of the more stressful duties. As well as offering ample opportunity for gross moments, it isn't always as straightforward as sticking them on the potty and having them immediately pick up the necessary skills.

Nonetheless, developmental issues aside, it is a parent's duty to ensure that their child knows how to go to the bathroom independently. The older they get without knowing the process, the more difficult it gets for everybody involved. 

Despite this, there are moms and dads who, for whatever reason, put off teaching their kids the full process of toilet etiquette. There comes a point where this doesn't just pose a problem for the family, but also all those who interact with them. It is a surefire way to ensure a child faces difficulties and restrictions in their life.

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  • 01

    AITAH for not taking my son’s friend who is our neighbor to events and activities because he’s not potty trained?

    TL;DR: One of the kids in our neighborhood friend group is 9 and still needs an adult to wipe him after he poops. I don't think that's my responsibility, so I don't include him in activities that take us far from his mom. Other parents apparently have been wiping him, and now I'm being talked about for "excluding" him. AITA for setting this boundary? I live in a close-knit neighborhood where the kids all play together, go to the same school, and bounce between our homes for meals, sleepovers, an
    via GoDavyGo
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10524824832
    via Toa Heftiba (Unsplash+)

  • One dad found himself unwillingly dealing with this issue when a 9-year-old boy in his son's friend group still needed an adult to help him wipe. As an active person who often took his son and his friends on day trips away from home, he did not want to perform this responsibility and therefore did not invite this child on such activities.

    Other parents in the friend group took issue with this, in particular because some of them had assisted the boy in the bathroom before. The dad wanted to know if he was being too harsh.

  • 03
    One of the boys (M9) in the group still requires his mother to wipe him after using the bathroom. Again-he's 9. I'm not here to judge his development, but I am saying this: that is not my responsibility, and I didn't think it needed to be said out loud. The kid avoids using the restroom away from home entirely. He's held it through school days, playdates, even had accidents trying to get back home. If he's at my place and has to go, he just leaves.
    via GoDavyGo
  • 04
    I'm pretty active-I take the kids hiking, camping, geocaching, to hot springs, beaches, golf courses- all-day stuff, far from home. I don't invite this boy on those kinds of outings because, frankly, I don't want to be out in the middle of nowhere and have to wipe a 9-year-old kid's butt. I don't think that's a normal expectation to place on anyone outside of his parents. Recently, another parent vented that they had been wiping this kid, which shocked me. Then I hear that people are saying I've
    via GoDavyGo
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10524825088
    via Clay Banks
  • 06

    Outsiders wholeheartedly supported the father's refusal to participate in this duty.

    Horror-Bad-2154 Jesus do his parents not give a shit about predators at all?! WHAT KIND OF MOM REQUIRES HER SON TO EXPOSE HIMSELF TO RANDOM PARENTS ?!?! The only accepta le reason for that is medical necessity, in which case, he needs the appropriate assistance from an approved person. Not whoever he happens to be hanging out withs parents. Ffs
    via Horror-Bad-2154
  • 07
    Icy-Hunt-7990 No, expecting that from other parents is the moms fault. If she's getting mad that people may not be inviting her son, she should definitely teach him to take care of himself.
    via Icy-Hunt-7990
  • 08
    NTA Tdluxon Not your responsibility and WTF are this poor kids parents doing? Are they waiting for high school to teach him how to wipe his own ass?
    via Tdluxon
  • 09
    Glum-System-7422 Are the other kids aware of this? Seems like it'd be pretty obvious to them and an easy source of teasing. has the mom ever talked to you about it? Like specifically asked you to touch her child's private? Or explained why? By age 9 you'd think he could figure it out on his own. I have so many questions. You're so easily NTA
    via Glum-System-7422
  • 10
    NTA. Pretend-Panda OP's risk exposure here is substantial. I wouldn't be surprised if a bystander called someone - community hotline, non-emergency police line - on seeing a child of that age accompanied into a bathroom stall by a non-familial adult. I mean - see something, say something, right? In addition to the valid points made by others regarding health and developmental issues, there's the potential for OP to be wrongfully accused of some sort of inappropriate and predatory behavior toward
    via Pretend-Panda
  • 11
    thechaoticstorm NTA At 9, he should be able to do this on his own unless he has a disability of some kind that prevents it. In this case, a parent and/or dedicated caregiver should be present. This is an entirely inappropriate thing to ask from another parent.
    via thechaoticstorm
  • 12
    Pale_Cranberry1502 I'm thinking he has issues and Mom is trying to palm him off without admitting it because she's desperate for some time to breathe.
    via Pale_Cranberry1502
  • 13
    ΝΤΑ. Discount_Mithral This is WAY outside the normal expectations for care when leaving your child with someone. The only times I've ever been asked to help with bathroom time is when the child was 3-4 or under. You have parents venting about this, which shows they know this is not something that should be being asked of them. This poor kid is going to experience a lot of exclusion and bullying if this keeps up. With him holding it through school, I'd contemplate calling this in to CPS. I KNOW i
    via Discount_Mithral
  • 14
    wayward_painter NTA I would 1000% not be touching any child that old, like that in this day and age. The kid seems to know that this isn't an appropriate situation either, by his bathroom avoidance tactics. This is screaming neglect by the parents.
    via wayward_painter
  • 15
    Old-Run-9523 NTA. I'm horrified that other parents are willing to do it.
    via Old-Run-9523
  • 16
    shannon_dey Yeah, honestly. I can get being caught off guard and doing it the first time, since there would be no warning and who would want to make a nine year old walk around without a wiped rear end, but after that? Hell no. He would not get a second chance to ask me for that service. And if the poor little guy has some kind of issue that requires help, I would need a serious talk with the parents before I let it happen again. That poor child. I have a cousin who -- when about the age of the
    via shannon_dey
  • 17
    Emrys Tiberius The mother is doing this kid a massive disservice. How long is she going to keep this going?
    via EmrysTiberius
  • 18
    Objective_Attempt_14 NTA, kindergarden won't do that either.
    via Objective_Attempt_14
  • 19
    NoMeat9329 My sister coddled her youngest. Finally, when he was starting kindergarten, I said, "Kid, learn to wipe your own ass. No one at school will do it for you!". Tough love. It worked.
    via NoMeat9329
  • 20
    Disastrous-Nail-640 NTA. It doesn't matter why he's not able to wipe himself, I would absolutely not be wiping another kid's bottom last about the age of 3.
    via Disastrous-Nail-640
  • 21
    PsychologyAutomatic3 NTA. I thought the boy was going to be four or five. He is too old not to be able to properly wipe his own butt. It's pretty disgusting and there is also no way I would risk the boy saying something inappropriate happened in the bathroom. His parents dropped the ball on this basic hygiene issue. He'll be 13 and wondering why he isn't being invited to any activity lasting more than a couple of hours or far from his home.
    via PsychologyAutomatic3
  • 22
    NTA ImAMorty777 I feel bad for that kid. I'm amazed the other kids aren't being brutal with him. Or maybe they are and nobody knows. There is something very developmentally wrong with a 9 year old boy that cannot wipe properly. Also, it's a health hazard. Feces has e-coli and really shouldn't be touched, especially if you are somewhere that lacks facilities.
    via ImAMorty777

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activities aita neighbors kids potty training outdoor activities parenting reddit thread Reddit mom playdate son dad
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